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Teaching Your Toddler To Share

© Charlene Cunningham

I run a small day care out of my home and lately my living room has turned into a battlefield. My days are filled with separating children who are fighting over various toys, books and stuffed animals. I think I have suffered hearing loss from the continuous screams of "No!" "Mine!" and "My turn!" Learning to share is one of the most difficult tasks a child has to learn. Children don't actually learn to share until somewhere around the age of 3 or 4. Until this point children can play side by side, but do not actually fully grasp the concept of sharing. For younger children, giving a toy to a playmate means you don't ever get it back! Here are a few suggestions to help your child learn to share more freely:

PRAISE: Be sure to catch your child when they're sharing, not just when they're hoarding their toys! Say things like, "Wow! You shared your fire engine with Justin. See how happy that made him!" or "Thank you for using your good manners and sharing your toys with Justin" or "I am so proud of you for sharing your toys today."

CREATE: Create situations where your child will need to share. For instance, next time you go to a friend's house bring cookies and put your child in charge of handing them out to the other children.

DUPLICATE: Get more than one of a favorite toy so that taking turns is not always necessary. They don't have to be identical, but having 3 play phones around is better than children fighting over just one! Of course they will still want the phone that the other kid has, but it's worth a shot!

DO: Play games that don't require sharing such as dancing or chasing bubbles.

LEAD: Lead by example. Toddlers are copy cats by nature and if you are seen sharing with others your child will begin to see and accept that as the norm.

GIVE: Give your child the words to use in a situation that requires sharing. If they pull a toy away from another child immediately stop the interaction and say, "Susan is taking her turn with the car. Say 'Susan, may I have a turn with the car?'" Using phrases such as "Be nice" or even "Share your toys" are confusing to a child who does not have enough experience with these concepts. Be specific with your wording and give your child the appropriate words to handle their emotions and actions.

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