John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid.
As I struggle to finish my shopping, stress over how much it all costs and condemn my heart and self for never being able to give enough to others, I open myself up to more disappointment, depression and anxiety. I fight my way through lines, take it personally that he/she was so inconsiderate of me, I huff at the person in front of me at the bank who should be done first, but instead asks favors and questions. I yell at the way people are driving, and I want to crawl within myself when I run yet another red light.
Today was a day like any other, the stress was equivalent to mountains, and as I felt I was having to build the Taj Ma Hall with play-doh, I hurried along starting many projects and leaving them and losing my patience with those most dear to me.
The time was approaching the kids were a mess again. I was beginning to doubt, "Why did I want to do this again?" I thought. My husband was telling me that I am taking on too much, The three batches of cookies I had made somehow at sometime became science and play experiments for the kids, and the cookies I was supposed to make to replace the experiments flew out the window like the sand through today's hour glass.
Somehow, at the last minute, a tin of cookies was found; all three kids are dressed and cleaned. The items are packed, and despite the nit picking of dirty coats, we are ready to go.
I rush there. I'm going to be late again. My anxiety is at a high-rise.
We walk in, and wait a while, admiring beautiful decorations and ornaments. Two ladies approach me,
"We are very eagerly awaiting you." One said. "Are you ready?" As we proceeded down the corridor, my anxiety was still at its peak and my thoughts and worries still wavering high. We came inside, and even as I set things up it continued to remain. However, at some point after the kids started handing out cookies and ornaments, it all began to melt away. I didn't know how, I didn't know why. I watched my kids entertain the lonely, the broken and saddened. I spoke to two souls that people only trip over, that those ordinarily ignore. We prayed and we sang. I watched love, and felt love all at the same time, by people who yesterday were strangers to me. They kissed my children and played and laughed. My kids were euphoric to be the center of so much attention.
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