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Regular or Decaf?

© Mike Woods

We build our lives one choice at a time. In which activities will we participate in high school? Which college will we attend? Which career will we pursue? Which person will we marry? One decision at a time.

Eventually, should we choose to marry, we begin to build a life together. Again, it's built one decision at a time. Where will we live? Will we buy or rent? Will we both work? Eventually, will we have children?

Sooner or later we get to this? How do you like your coffee? Regular or decaf? Do you have to put THAT much salt on your food? Do you REALLY want red meat for dinner? How about your cholesterol?

And again, we're on our way to building a life one decision at a time. Only this time, it's more subtle. The issues don't seem as big. The color of the paint in the hallway. The style of the bedroom suite. Right down to 'what kind of coffee will we drink each morning?'

In a few older couples there is a quiet undercurrent of resentment, placed there by one person making too many decisions over the years. Truth is, it takes two to make the best decisions because both will live with the direction the decision takes them.

Now some of us are born decision makers. I didn't say we are great decision makers. Just born decision makers. We are comfortable rolling the dice and trusting for a suitable outcome. Others, though, break out in hives over decisions...they struggle with making the call. They delay the decision as long as possible. So...what are we to do?

As any married coule can attest, it's not easy. One person may be more prone to deciding, leaving the other in the dust of uncertainty and indecision.

But the truth is making decisions is a wonderful way of keeping in touch with your spouse. It causes you both to slow down and consider where the other person is in their life at that moment. It allows you both to check in with the other and sense what issues lie beneath the surface.

The next time you have a decision to make as a couple, try this: focus less on the decision and more on the other person. It's delightful. It elevates your marriage and minimizes the implications of the decision. And in the mean time, you've connected in a brand new way.

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