Faking It

May 9, 2001 - © Mike Woods

'Christian marriages are crashing at a rate higher than the rest of society', so points out George Barna, the Christian counterpart to George Gallup.

Those of us of the Christian faith want to say, 'Say it ain't so, George'. But look around you. It probably is. The truth may just be that marriages involved in the Christian faith may well be crashing at a higher rate than the rest. The question is Why?

I have a theory. It's just a theory. And it'll likely ruffle some feathers out there. But hear me out.

What if the reason these marriages aren't making is because they're a part of a culture that has learned to fake it. By faking it, I mean they have learned to LOOK right. And TALK right. In other words, since it walks like a Christian duck and talks like a Christian duck, it must be a Christian duck...right?

Not necessarily. The truth is that in some churches and Christian subcultures there is an unspoken rule...look right at all costs...including the cost of faking it. And there is a cost to faking it.

When we fake it in our faith relationships, we eventually find ourselves faking it in our marital relationship. In other words...'Hi dear, are you okay?' 'Sure, and you?' 'Sure'. 'Good'. End of conversation. And in the process, you stop talking about the real issues. YOu stop asking the questions. And in the process, the relationship dies. It's why many married couples sit silently over meals, drive silently in their cars. They've faked themselves right out of a relationship. Divorce is almost a welcome alternative.

Transparent marriages are ones, like transparent Christianity, where the hard questions aren't skirted, where the goal is authenticity, not just slick appearance. And there is a curious passion in the pursuit of knowing that other person just as there is in striving to know God.

There is a wonderful parallel here. As surely as we can never know God completely, I believe we can never completely know that person to whom we are married. But oh, the joy of the pursuit of knowing.

So...how about it? Tired of faking it? Then push for honesty. Go out on a limb and risk being vulnerable with your spouse. It's a roll of the dice that may just bring a wonderful new joy and sense of adventure to your marriage!

The copyright of the article Faking It in Marriage Advice is owned by Mike Woods. Permission to republish Faking It in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

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