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Living with the Leftovers

© Mike Woods

The Baby Boomers (those born between 1946 and 1964) have been described as the 'sandwich generation'. Meaning they have young children of their own and aging parents to care for. This sets the stage for a significant challenge in maintaining their marriage relationship.

The time demands alone are enough to strain any friendship. Depending on the age of the children and the condition of the parents health, the husband or wife can begin to feel like the proverbial Dutchman plugging holes with his thumb in the dike. After a time you simply run out of thumbs.

And if you live your life just reacting, you'll feel unbalanced most of the time. You'll feel as if there's just never enough of you to go around. And if you factor in that many Baby Boomer couples have both partners working outside the home, then you've just set the stage for a 4-5 ring circus!

So it calls for a clear, well-thought-out strategy. And in the process, you have to ask some very key questions. For example:

1. What is most important in this situation? My husband or wife, my children, my parents, my job, my social circle, my volunteering at my church or local charity?

2. What is the very best use of my time given the demands? One note here...avoid the tyranny of the urgent. Somethings will present themselves as emergencies everytime. But they're not emergencies. They may not even be important...just urgent, or more obvious.

3. How am I caring for myself, given the demands? Often passionate, responsible, caregivers give of themselves until there's nothing left. And then what? In the middle of all this, make some space for fun. You have to. Renew your own spirit...you'll then have more to give to all the others. By the way: fun is defined as that thing you do that you enjoy so much you lose track of time.

4. Pace yourself. When it's all said and done, some of your current relational workload will eventually go away. Your parents will continue to age and eventually pass on. Your children will grow up and find their own lives (hopefully!).

Your husband or wife, on the other hand will likely be there with you for the long haul. That being said, be sure to continue investing regularly in that relationship. It's the one that will provide ongoing support. It's the one that will see you through the years.