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Space...the Final Frontier

© Mike Woods

Most of the time we talk and/or write about togetherness in marriage. So elusive, so necessary. But how about the other end of the spectrum - personal space.

A German Lutheran theologian from the 1940's named Dietrich Bonhoeffer once said, "Let him who cannot be in community beware of being alone. And let him who cannot be alone beware of being in community." There is an important parallel in marriage. Personal space.

Personal space is that time and place when each marital partner retreats to remember who they are apart from the relationship. It happens in many ways. For the hermits among us, we go away for a day or two to think, meditate, and pray. For others, it's just a trip to the mall to shop and relax.

The point is this: time spent together seems to require time spent apart. Time apart gives us more to give when we ARE together. If we're always together, it might be a challenge to think independently. If our identity becomes completely wrapped up in that other person, we begin to lose ourselves and what we can uniquely bring to the marriage.

The need to never be alone points to insecurity, to personal fears. The freedom to be alone allows the choice of being together and being alone. And when we are together, we are fully together, not wishing we were somewhere else.

It's important for a couple to find that healthy balance. For me, I head to my sailboat now and then to tinker. For my wife, it's time out with a friend, or curling up with a good book.

Either way, after some personal space, when we are together, we're really together, with much to offer each other, including the joy of being in each other's company.