Cyber-sex: Beyond Right or Wrong


© Mike Woods
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Mar 8, 2001


I couldn't help but notice a banner ad on a website the other day that asked the question of the day: Is cyber-sex cheating?

It got me thinking about the stories I've heard about a few cyber-affairs. Men and women meeting through some chat room or other wired connection.

Much has been written about the rights and wrongs of the whole thing. The truth is, it IS an affair, whether physical or not (and many do wind up physical).

The greater implication is the matter of the heart. What really happens to a married person when they decide to go searching on the Net for a new romantic interest? How does it affect their marriage?

Probably in the beginning, it's not so noticeable. They carry on conversations with their spouse and it's business as usual. Be as the cyber-affair continues the married person involved finds their thought life drifting. Less of it is spent on their marriage partner. More of it is spent on their cyber-mate.

What's even worse is the cyber-philanderer becomes more and more unhappy with their actual spouse, while they build up in their own mind that person on the other end of the computer wire thinking, "Surely they'd be more considerate than my spouse. They'd be much more attentive to my needs."

Slowly but surely, the satisfaction level in the face-to-face relationship drops to such a miserable level that the cyber-cheater makes the decision to end the marriage. The truth is this person has spent so much time buidling a fantasy relationship online that no real relationship would ever compare favorably.

Interestingly, an old Biblical book called Proverbs weighs in with great relevance here. Proverbs 5:15 "Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own spring".

The writer of Proverbs knew what we all know deep down...much of this is about personal discipline. It's about having the personal restraint to make the most of marriage we have, not constantly scanning the internet horizon for the 'right one'.

The truth is, there is a 'right one'...you're married to them.

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Here's the follow-up discussion on this article: View all related messages
4.   Aug 25, 2001 2:54 PM
Truly great article. Original, well thought out and extremely well written. Subscribed and I will be back.

Best wishes,
Tom Martin
CE - Caring for the Soul ...

-- posted by Sunbear
3.   Mar 15, 2001 10:19 PM
Though maybe you would enjoy hearing from one of those couple who met on the internet. We were both divorced, and chatted quite a while before we met. He drove 5 hours just to have a cup of coffee wit ...

-- posted by MissMouthy
2.   Mar 11, 2001 11:44 AM
Another well-thought-out article, Mike! Several clients have come to my office and have told me about their cyber affairs. One or two have completely ruined their marriages, and the others have eith ...

-- posted by MsPersephone
1.   Mar 11, 2001 8:23 AM
We read about couples meeting on the internet, but not many pieces have been written about what it does to marriages.

-- posted by jerrib



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