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The 17-Year Ditch

© Mike Woods

We've all heard about the 7-year itch. It's the time in most marriages when the novelty has worn off and the honeymoon is most definitely over. It's the time when many marital partners begin to look about and think "Hmmm, could I have done better?"

These days there's another phenomena I'd call the 17-year ditch. This is that time in many, many marriages, when the partners look around and say, "If I"m ever going to be happy, I better make my escape now!"

Lots of things factor in. In most marriages, if you married in your early to mid 20's you can do the math. 17 passing years places you in the early to mid forties. Those crazy years when the most men experience significant physical decline and most women enter into menopause or peri-menopause. It sets the stage for lots of marital pyrotechnics!

Add to this, if you've had children, the kids are approaching the teen years, a true test for ANY marriage. At this same time, many look at their career and wonder if they can do the same thing for the rest of their lives.

So here we are approaching the 17-year ditch. That time when we decide 'stay or go', 'work it out or bail out'.

How about some encouragement here? This is also the best time to refocus on our marital relationship. Our kids are demanding less attention and personal care. At this time we are mature adults who have a much better sense of who we are and what we want out of life. We may even have a greater ability to articulate those needs to our spouse.

The challenge is getting a right perspective on where we are in life. The choice is work on the marriage we've invested in all this time or roll the dice on the next one. After living with another human being for a while we can all attest to one thing for sure - no one is perfect. That being the case, why go out there again looking for Mister or Miss perfect? They don't exist!

The best adventure is to refocus on the one who's shared your life until now. The most amazing thing about the way our Creator made is that about the time we think we know someone, there's still so much more to learn.

So why start over? Get to know your spouse anew - it's worth it!

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