Surviving the Perfect Storm

Have you seen the Clooney movie "The Perfect Storm"? Probably so. Remember those impressive waves? Frightening, huh? Hollywood did it's best to accurately portray the worst of sea conditions. As a sailor, it made me cringe and promise to stay in the bay.

After 23 years of marriage I can tell you my wife and I have faced what seemed like some perfect storms. Those times when you're getting so pummeled by schedules, parenting pressures, career demands, and life's general level of frustration, that you just have nothing to give to the marriage. Here it comes...the perfect storm.

When those conditions all converge at once, you are set for a terrifying ride. Like climbing the face of a sheer wave like the Andrea Gail.

If you're feeling the relational seas shifting and the waves mounting what do you do? Here'a basic strategy:

1. Slow down. No matter what vehicle you're in, be it a automobile, aircraft, or boat, the faster you encounter turbulence, the more damage it can do. This means reducing the number of things which siphon off your energy and ability to nurture the relationship. Look at your respective calendars and mark off as many non-essential events as possible. Too many meetings? How many MUST you attend? Too many kids events? How many must they do?

2. Secure loose items. On a sailboat when you're watching an approaching squall, the first thing you do is make sure everything is tied down on deck and below in the cabin. In a relationship, you need to fulfill your responsibilities in the home...whatever they may be. Keep the home as stable as possible. Pay the bills, do the cooking, whatever it means for you. That keep the marriage at least nominally stable.

3. Get your bearings(what's happening in your own heart?)When the storm is upon you it's easy to lose sight of where you are. On a boat, you get a GPS reading and plot your position. In a marriage, it means reminding yourself of how much this relationship has meant in the past and how valuable it remains in spite of the challenges and hurts. Pay attention to your own heart.

4. Move forward slowly. When the storm has passed the vessel, you raise the sails, you set your course and you carry on, knowing it'll be a while before you reach port. In a relationship, we often expect things to return to normal immediately. The truth is, it takes time. Time to heal. Time to trust again. Time to regain the sense of oneness. Don't expect immediate results. Give it time. Learn to love again.

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