The Magical Ingredient to Good Communication
Cindy: "I'm tired when I get home from work, you know, and don't like picking up your socks!"
Joe says nothing - of course she doesn't like to pick up his socks, but if she left them, he'd remember to pick them up eventually.
Cindy: "I don't know what you think - perhaps you think I'm your maid or something!"
Joe doesn't answer - he knows where this conversation is headed now, and maybe if he ignores her, she'll calm down and let him watch the game!
But Cindy doesn't calm down and she doesn't go away - now she's feeling angry and unappreciated. "I don't know why I bother! I think you'd rather live in a pigsty! I bring home half the money, I don't see why I have to be the maid!!!"
The longer Joe goes without acknowledging Cindy, the more she actually craves his acknowledgement and the harder she'll try to MAKE him acknowledge her!
She may even end up saying things to him just to get a rise out of him, because if he at least yells back at her, she'll know he finally heard her.
The next thing you know, Cindy is talking about going home to her mother, and Joe is sleeping on the sofa.
The "conversation" simply degrades as Cindy communicates, and Joe receives her communication, but fails to let her know. This leaves Cindy frustrated and feeling unloved, and Joe absolutely bewildered about how leaving his dirty socks on the floor could be so terrible that Cindy is talking about leaving him!
They could end up feeling they are "incompatible" when that could be the furthest thing from the truth. They simply don't fully understand the art of communication!
You see, one person communicating a thought, and the recipient understanding the communication is only half of the recipe.
The second half of the recipe is when Joe lets Cindy know he heard her and understood her communication. He doesn't have to agree with her! But he does need to let her know that her communication - her thought carried to him via her words - was understood by him.
Here's how the above scenario could have gone with proper communication:
Cindy: "Joe, you left your dirty socks on the floor again."
Joe: "Did I? I'm sorry. I'll try to remember to put them in the hamper next time."
Cindy: "Okay, but I'm tired of picking them up."
Joe: "I can understand that. I'll try to remember, and thanks for reminding
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