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Sentence Style - Page 3

© Phebe A. Durand

Even though they are known to be dangerous, crops are still being sprayed with the pesticides.

Does the word they refer to crops or insecticides? Common sense might tell us that the writer is talking about dangerous pesticides, but what if they are actually talking about dangerous crops? The sentence would be much more clear if the words were moved around.

Even though the pesticides are known to be dangerous, crops are still being sprayed with them.

Here is another confusing sentence. See if you can find the "funny" that the sentence suggests by the way it is written.

At this time of year, motorists see fields of daffodils driving into Arton.

Of course, the sentence is saying that the motorists are driving into Arton. The way that the sentence is written, though, makes it look like the writer is saying that the fields of daffodils are driving into Arton. Switching the words around makes the sentence clear and much less humorous.

At this time of year, motorists driving into Arton see fields of daffodils.

Let's do an exercise on keeping sentences clear. In the story below, some of the sentences are confusing because the writer has put words in the wrong place. Make these sentences clearer by changing the order of the words. The first one is done for you.

Make it Clear Exercise

The idea first came to Peterson, a

^ A hiking enthusiast who has an entrance to the Arton Mountain in his backyard, the idea first came to Peterson when he thought of "how much time I was wasting on Arton freeways."

The car is a "full-size working model," Peterson says. He plans to produce a limited number of "climbing cars" in a factory in Arton, which he will sell to buyers willing to pay the asking price of $4 million.

So far, one person has expressed interest in buying a "climbing car," who wants to use it for publicity, Peterson says.

Peterson and the car spent three hours in Arton before going on to Courtland, where they planned to spend the night.

 

Use the Same Form for All Words in a List

Words that have the same form are called parallel. Nouns, verbs, and modifiers

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