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Support Systems - On the Internet

© Heather Weller

Support is an essential part of any successful surrogacy journey. Last time we discussed sources of support in our "real lives." This article will look at using the Internet for support along the way.

Before delving into specifics, a few definitions are in order. A "message board" online is a web site where anyone (or, in some cases, anyone with a password received after registering) can post a message or read other people's messages. Discussions on one topic can be held between posters whether they're online at the same time or not. A "chat" program is one that runs (generally on a web site) to allow people online at the same time to communicate in real time. Chats allow a large number of people to talk (type) to each other simultaneously.

An "instant messenger" program has similarities to a chat program. With an instant messenging program, you create a list of contacts, and can see when these people are also online. Trough the messenger, you can talk back and forth instantly, and most programs allow you to chat with multiple users at one time in a private group chat. Finally, an "email list" (or "listerserv") is a group of people who communicate via email on a specific topic. There are email lists for nearly any subject out there. They work by allowing a member to send an email to one address; that email is then sent to everyone on the list. You don't have to be online at the same time - when you check your email, all of the messages since you last checked will be there.

There are many surrogacy related message boards on the Internet. Some are run at larger sites dedicated to multiple parenting topics (such as ParentsPlace); some are attached to sites devoted to surrogacy (SurroMoms Online, for example); and some are stand-alone boards. When you visit a new board, you will most likely have to register an account. Be sure to read any guidelines about what is appropriate for that board. Then ask away, or just read others' questions and advice.

I have found the best message boards to be those that are regularly used, have a clear structure to keep subject threads together, and are overseen by hosts or moderators to keep the board on topic. But even quite boards or confusingly organized boards may well contain some good info - if you're just starting out, reading everything you can is the best way to get into the world of surrogate motherhood. Then choose your favorites to visit regularly. My personal favorites are SurroMoms Online message boards (yes, I'm a moderator there, but they were my favorite long before I was asked to moderate); INCIID's Third-Party Reproduction board; and ParentsPlace's Surrogacy board.

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