For most of us, support starts at home. Our partners' support is almost completely essential, especially as surrogates. It is they who live with our mood swings, our turmoil, and every up and down. An unsupportive husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend is a hindrance. Part of the psychological screening for most surrogate agencies involves speaking with the surrogate's partner to make sure he is in favor of this as well. While it would be very difficult to have to choose between being a surrogate if this is your desire and making your partner happy, the idea of living with someone who disagrees with something that will become such a big part of your life is difficult to imagine.
Many women who've become surrogates have had to somewhat "break in" the news to their partners. That is most likely not surprising - surrogacy is still a relatively rare occurrence, and to suddenly find your partner is hoping to enter this world will most likely be a bit surprising. Many partners take a little time - from hours to days to months - before saying "well, sure, honey, if that's what you want to do!" And, sadly, some never reach that point, but most in the experiences I've encountered do. They may never quite understand what would drive someone to want to go through pregnancy again (I know my husband remembers only the bad parts of my pregnancy - the morning sickness, the icky delivery, etc.), but most will realize this is something that is important to you and isn't just some flaky idea that popped into your head while you slept.
Besides husbands (etc.), our children are also important parts of the picture. The good news here is most children are very accepting of surrogacy, despite the objections some outsiders will no doubt raise. I have never heard of a surrogate whose child worried that Mommy would give him away because she gave up this other child. As long as Mommy is open from the beginning that the baby inside her tummy isn't hers, but she's just taking care of her, most children accept this at face value. Obviously, the age of the children in question makes a difference. Older children often have more questions and will want to know more of the biology of just how the baby got there. With older children, personally, I consider talking with them about the upcoming surrogacy before it's underway important so they don't feel left out of this big event. Not to mention they'll most likely know something's going on out of the ordinary when the surrogate is attending doctor's appointments all the time (and if not told the truth, children often make up their own stories to explain things to themselves - with frequent doctors visits, these stories most likely would not be good!), etc. The one problem most surrogates seem to have with their children and the surrogacy is that they don't understand why sometimes mommy wishes she could just give a simple answer when asked by strangers about the pregnancy, rather than explaining the entire surrogate arrangement! If only we didn't lose this openness as we grew up!!
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