Home » Education & Career » College Success Strategies » Is Your Roommate Making You Sick? Unresolved issues can dampen your college experience

Is Your Roommate Making You Sick? Unresolved issues can dampen your college experience

© Elizabeth Trego

Meeting new people can be an exciting event-at first. But just like a relative you don't mind seeing from time to time, but wouldn't want to live with, a difficult roommate can often leave students with an additional layer of stress beyond that of studies, and the overall transitions process towards an increased sense of independence.

If you begin to feel physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, or sleeping problems, start dreading coming back to your dorm room, or wishing your roommate won't be there when you open the door, these can all be signs of a toxic relationship forming between you and your roommate. Although you may find your roommate's actions akin to nails on a chalkboard, it is ultimately your responsibility to change the dynamic of the relationship, or seek out a new roommate altogether.

Many students feel uncomfortable instigating a conversation that is based on their unhappiness about the actions of another person. It makes it even more difficult when it is a person you are living with and seeing on a day to day basis. However, there are steps you can take to make the situation better. They include:

1. Adequately assess the situation. Don't focus solely on the negatives of your roommate. Make sure you don't have expectations that are too high or are too rigid in what you feel is acceptable or unacceptable behavior. Also, make sure that you absolutely can't live in certain situations. Everyone has their quirks and dorm life is a give and take environment. Little inconveniences can often be overlooked, but major issues will need to be resolved.

2. Start a discussion. What often makes people nervous in these types of situations is that first and foremost in someone's mind is expressing what it is you don't like about a situation. However, rather than launching into what you don't like, follow the positive, negative, positive framework. First, start out the conversation by stating something positive about your roommate. For example, state something you like about him or her (i.e., their outgoingness, their ability to make friends easily, etc.), then express what it is about the current situation that is making you uncomfortable. Finally, end the conversation on a positive note. State how important it is to talk about things freely and ask your roommate if there is anything they would like you to do differently to make them feel more comfortable as well.

3. Ask for assistance. If you don't feel you can approach your roommate, it is always best to turn to your college resources for help. Student services, R.A.'s, etc. have plenty of experience in these areas and will likely be able to share with you approaches you can take.