In this series I quote directly from the book When Society Becomes An Addict by Anne Wilson Schaef. She wrote this book in 1987. It was her third book, which she says in the introduction was really meant to be her second. The ”Living Process System” was in its earliest stages. It is only now, in 2001 that I got around to reading it. There is a saying that when the student is ready, a teacher will appear. So it seems with this book. Maybe I was ready to recognize certain addictive behavior from a different perspective.
At a women’s meeting I attend on a regular basis, one of the members was talking about giving her “recovery” back to others. She said “The being that I am, the spiritual being,can use my humanness to communicate with others.” Within a day or two of hearing this, I began to read this book.
One of the first concepts I noted was about naming. To paraphrase...that which goes unnamed exerts considerable influence over us. If we have no words, we cannot address it directly or deal with it. Once it has a name...it becomes acknowledged as reality...it can be talked about (experienced!) and validated...only by naming can we claim (reclaim!) our reality and our power. (Could this have something to do with denial?)
In recovery I have learned to name that which I had pushed down deep inside, hoping never to have to feel. As a child I was taught to be out of touch with myself, neither trusting my body nor my mind. When I was most “alive”, that is happy, loud, full of energy, I was labeled as bad. I was told to calm down, be quiet. (Looking back, I think I overwhelmed my parents with my very being.) It was when I was quiet and calm that I was considered a good girl.
The addictions I practiced, overeating at first, then sex, followed by drugs and alcohol took “the edge” off and helped me not to feel. They became ways to numb my aliveness. Within in a short period of time the compulsions had taken control and I began to do things that were “inconsistent with my personal values.” This led to a core dishonesty with myself and everyone around me. When I am numbed out or beating up on myself for numbing out, I am not dealing with what is going on around me in the moment, a surefire way to “avoid taking responsibility” for myself.
Go To Page: 1 2
