Home » » Substance Abuse Recovery » Character Defects and Acceptance

Character Defects and Acceptance

© De Williams

First, on my Suite business list this week are my article ratings. Thank you for using this function. Your subjective opinion of my efforts is appreciated. If you have any specific comments you would like to make please send me a note. I am always looking for new insights into this world I call "Discovery." (As in how do I recover something I never seemed to have had in the first place?)

In this article I would like to share some of that process of Discovery. When I hear "How It Works" from chapter 5 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous read at meetings, I sometimes question my capacity to be honest. Particularly in relation to Steps 6 and 7. (Step 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Step 7.Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.)

My study of depression and how the brain works has brought some things to light for me. It has been shown through recent brain mapping research the parts of the brain that register the negative can be overdeveloped by repeated exposure to certain chemicals that are released when a person is under stress. My childhood history reflects physical and emotional stresses that put me in flight or fight mode most of my waking hours. This explains my current vulnerability to a multitude of things that happen around me on a daily basis. Instead of my reaction always being a defect, it can sometimes be a result of mental hardwiring. Over the years, I have self medicated myself as a way of dealing with these vulnerabilities.

This is not to say that I don't have a multitude character defects that act in concert with these physical vulnerabilities. One that is especially troublesome for me now is my expectations of nothing less than perfection in my behavior. I am extremely judgmental of my self when I repeat a behavior that is not appropriate. Times when I resent my humanity for betraying me. I can show compassion and understanding for others who do similar things and do indeed treat them gentler that I treat myself.

Something I have recently taken with me from a meeting is in relation to "praying for knowledge of God's will for me and the power to carry that out." A woman was relating in her share, a part of her history that revolved around a sense of low self esteem. Actually an absence of self would be a more apt description. It really hit home for me when she spoke about doing God's will and what that was for her.