Stepparents: March 2001 Review

1. Women's Wire
There is a lot to see at this site, and some interesting articles to read. The articles include how one in three Americans belongs to a blended family, some practical parenting advice for stepmoms, and a stepmom's financial checklist. "A Stepmom's Story" describes a remarkable family that has managed to build a warm friendship between the two biological parents and their new mates!

2. Stepparents: Six Common Stepfamily Conflicts
Knowing in advance about possible conflicts can help stepparents work out plans to avoid or deal with the problems. The author of this article sees the conflicts in six categories:

• Unrealistic expectations of marriage.
  This includes things like the belief that romance will conquer all; or the belief that marriage will solve all problems, including loneliness.
• Unrealistic expectations of a stepfamily.
  Beliefs that fit in this category are that the stepfamily will immediately become a loving group, or that the stepchildren will respect and/or obey you.
• One spouse is not involved in the care of his/her children.
  In this area are the cases where one partner wants authority without involvement.
• One spouse feels his/her children are treated unequally in the family.
  
• Problems with the biological parent.
  It is necessary to work out many things with the biological parent, such as holidays, school, and visitation or joint custody arrangements. Even if the biological parent is no longer living, there will be issues connected with grief, emotions, and possibly idealization.
• Underestimating the bond of the biological parent who is now your spouse with his/her children.
  The parent and children have a special bond, and its strength increases as they spend more time together without the other parent. This can be a difficult situation for a new stepparent to understand, but knowing what it involves is vital in building the new family.

3. Putting All the Pieces Together and Reaping Rich Rewards

The author of this article starts with the fact that there is a special bonding between biological parents and children that starts when the children are born. It is unlikely that a stepparent can duplicate that closeness if he or she arrives after the child is about three years old, but there is a different tie that forms over the years.

After the introduction, the article deals with how trust has to build between the children and stepparent before much can be done in the way of discipline. It is important, however, for the stepparent to support the disciplinary decisions of the biological parent.

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