In his article, Developing Our Own Unique Family, Dr. Stephen F. Duncan discusses the importance of "new relationships, new roles, and new traditions" that are needed, and points out that there are obstacles to a new family identity. Among the difficulties are holding unrealistic expectations, lack of family guidelines, and divided loyalties. Some of the suggestions he develops are:
- Stepfamily structure creates challenges, but these characteristics can bring positive elements.
- Allow relationships to develop slowly.
- Clarify new roles.
- See that each child has special one-on-one times with their parents to help lessen their feelings of loss.
- Help children talk about feelings.
- Use family meetings for problem solving and giving appreciation.
Dr. Duncan continues his discussion by looking at problems and remedies in the areas of Combining Two Families and Meeting Everyone's Needs, Developing a Solid Marriage, The Stepparent's Role, and Discipline.
Another site that takes a look at building the new family is Stepfamilies: Parent Easy Guide. The author points out that each family is different, and each will have its own "strengths to build on and difficulties to overcome."
The article begins with a look at how everyone in the family may have different ideas about what they want and how it will work, and emphasizes that these feelings must be discussed and plans made. Feelings that remain from the previous relationship will affect the new family, and the article also looks at that.
With stepfamilies there are a number of people directly involved in the new relationship. Unlike a first marriage with no children involved, the union that has children also brings with it grandparents, uncles and aunts, and others who have been close to the previous family unit. The other bioparent remains an ever-present consideration when there is joint custody or visitation schedules, and dealing with that often requires patience and maturity.
The Stepfamilies: Parent Easy Guidementioned above considers many facts that a new family may have overlooked, and also presents an excellent list of things that parents can do to have a smoother transition and help the children adjust. A few of the suggestions from the article are:
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