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There is an extra bit of understanding gained by hearing from someone who has experienced stepparenting, and even more to learn from someone who has been "the other parent" besides being a stepparent. I like to print letters from readers when they have something special to offer, and the one I've chosen for this column has that.
"Being a mom, my heart has ached over the 'other mom'. When the divorce was final and we were no longer a happy family, the reality of being a single mom and knowing my children would now have a step-mom hit me hard. The first few months were the most difficult. Travis (my 7 year old) talked about the fun times his dad and his new girlfriend had together with him. All the visits to the park, McDonald's, bumper boats, and other fun places. It made me feel like I wasn't doing enough for the boys. I was lacking in a certain area of 'Mom-dom'. There were times I lashed out at my ex-husband. I am ashamed to say I called his new wife names and degraded her as much as possible once or twice. Afterwards, the sinking feeling of regret came over me. It didn't make me feel better; it didn't change things between the ex and I. All my anger accomplished was a rip, as big as the Grand Canyon, between my ex and I as parents. I couldn't stand to be on the phone with him, much less in his presence. A divorce with children involved doesn't mean one parent gets severed out of the children's lives or replaced. Eventually, the anger subsided and turned into something positive. I am grateful that the boys have a step-mom who is involved and loving towards them. She takes care of their needs, puts the band-aids on the owies, and makes them feel special. How wonderful it is to know that the children are in good hands when they are away from me! Now, I truly appreciate the choice my ex made. I am a step-mom now and dealing with the opposite side of 'Mom-dom'. What a change in places! I am now on the other end of being called names and degraded by the ex-spouse. I should be able to let it slide and not let the insults get under my skin. Sounds easy, maybe it is easy for many of the step-moms out there. For me, I wonder why? What did I do to her? Was I too tough on my step-children? I got angry with my husband for not defending me, at least a little bit. My personality is outspoken when I want to be. There have been many times I have defended my husband to the ex. Now, I see that my husband has a quiet demeanor and will pick his battles. This was one that was not worthy of his time and effort. Unfortunately, it has caused a rift between us as parents and as a couple. Go To Page: 1 2 |
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