Home » Partners & Parents » Step- Parents » STEPPARENTS & DIVORCE: PART TWO

STEPPARENTS & DIVORCE: PART TWO

© Judi Chapman

An article that takes a look at the stress kids may experience when their parents divorce is Focus on Kids: The Effects of Divorce on Children. Parents try to shield their children from the stress and anxiety, but that often causes even more stress. The authors continue by discussing what can affect the reactions the children show, such as, "the amount of involvement with the non-residential parent," or "the situation prior to the divorce/separation."

They go on to look at what causes stress for the children, including some of the following:

• The family they have always known will be different.
• Loss of attachment.
• Fear of abandonment.
• Hostility between parents.

Following a description of the causes, the authors present a detailed table of typical reactions and how the parents can help.

In the final statements, the article says, "....children who cope best with divorce are those who continue to have a stable, loving relationship with both parents and regular, dependable visits from the non-residential parent."

Divorce is an upsetting event for children, partly because it means a fragmentation of the family life they have always known. In the article Children and Divorce, the authors explain how children often feel that they are responsible for the breakup, and will try everything they can think of to get their parents back together again. Some of the symptoms to watch for are described, such as increased aggression or withdrawal in young children, difficulties with relationships or self-esteem in older children. The youngsters need to know that they will remain important to both parents. In addition, the authors say that "research shows that children do best when parents can cooperate on behalf of the child." In some cases, psychotherapy may be necessary for children whose parents have divorced.

Another helpful article for divorcing parents is Parent Guides to Help Children Deal with Divorce. The topics covered are:

• Helping Children Feel Good About Themselves
• Helping Children Understand Emotions
• Helping Children Cope with Loss
• Helping Children Deal with Anger at Friends
• Helping Children Manage Anger at Their Parents
• Helping Children Get Along with Friends
• Helping Children Learn about Kindness
• Helping Children Adjust to Changes

Children need to learn to recognize their feelings and to think about what is happening in the situation. When a feeling is recognized and stated, it can be dealt with. Following the recognition of their feelings, the children need to consider the situations that caused the feeling. If they are able to see what is causing their reactions, children have some help in knowing what they need to change. In the case of divorce, they have to see that they can't change the situation, but there is help for the way they feel about it.