Stepparents and Family Meetings

Although regular meetings are helpful in any home, they are particularly important with stepfamilies. A newly arrived adult, possibly with children, is attempting to become a member of the family, and everyone is trying to get used to each other. Family members may feel as if they have been put into an emotional blender with people they don't know and may not even like. Meetings give everyone a chance to express opinions and ideas; guidelines are established about personal property and various behaviors. If agreement is worked out early many battles can be avoided.

If possible, a family meeting once a week is ideal. If there is a major problem that needs discussion or a decision before then, try to get as many family members as possible together to consider it. For a regular meeting, choose an evening or weekend when all participants will be there, with the understanding that the time will be available every week. If someone has something unavoidable for that night, try to find another time that week when everyone can be present. A list of topics can be posted during the week, but children add to the list only by telling an adult. Inclusion of children's topics shows that their concerns are listened to and discussed.

It is best if the first meeting is held soon after the stepparent arrives; that is when rules and changes are discussed. For example, if it has been agreed that the stepparent will avoid disciplining the children for awhile, the family meeting is a good time to say that it is expected there will be obedience to and respect for the stepparent.

Be sure to discuss some positive topics and not just complaints. The family meeting is a good time for everyone to offer congratulations for a triumph, or to give support for an upcoming event. Although it is a good idea to keep meetings as short as possible, each family member should have a turn to bring up a topic if they want to.

An excellent discussion about family meetings is at Steps of a Family Meeting. The article covers guidelines for meetings and looks at some pitfalls that can develop.

Another good site is Family Meetings Can Calm Hectic Homes. The author mentions how activities and pressures cut down time that families have together and how the family meeting helps in getting around that. As she says, "anything that spurs and strengthens conversation will renew the bonds that modern culture tears apart." With the stepfamily, it also can serve to strengthen the bonds that are beginning to develop.

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