The damage that the biological parents sometimes do to each other when the marriage ends can cause lifelong hurt and bitterness. This is compounded when stepparents are included. There is no way to avoid having the children affected, as they usually are the ones chosen to hear the negative comments. In fact, the alienating parent's aim is to turn the children against the other parent. If children constantly hear that their father is "an ignorant man who doesn't care about what happens to you," or "your mother only thinks about herself and doesn't care about your welfare," they have to deal with the alleged neglect of them, plus having to handle the apparent dislike of a parent they feel a strong attachment to.
The article Parental Alienation: Three Types of Alienators lists alienators as Naive, Active, and Obsessed. The Naive Alienator commits minor errors by occasionally making inappropriate remarks about the other parent to the children, but they aren't consciously trying to damage the relationship. The Active Alienator, on the other hand, usually means well but is having difficulty with controlling feelings of frustration, bitterness or hurt. In contrast to the other two types, the Obsessed Alienator is a person with a mission: align the children to one side and "campaign to destroy their relationship with the targeted parent." For all types, the article discusses in detail the symptoms, what can develop, and how to avoid more serious problems if they haven't already appeared.
Parental Alienation Syndrome looks at how parents will use children as pawns, lie to them about the other parent, and involve them in situations that the children neither understand nor should be expected to handle. The site also has a number of links to other information sources.
At Parental Alienation: Symptoms of Alienation, there is a detailed discussion about some of the signs that alienation is taking place. One symptom is that the custodial parent keeps the children so busy in extracurricular activities that there is no opportunity for the other parent to visit, causing the children to think that the parent doesn't want to see them. Even something seemingly minor, such as listening in on a child's phone conversation with the other parent, can be a sign that one parent is suggesting that the other one can't be trusted with the child.
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