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STEPPARENTS: A SECOND LOOK AT HOLIDAYS

© Judi Chapman

The first article about stepparents and holidays appeared on November 20, 1998 and is still posted.

Once again it's getting close to the time when a large number of families celebrate holidays. For stepparents, it can be a time of stress that goes beyond the usual sources of festive season concerns, because this is when everyone seems to have demands.

It is understandable that both biological parents want to spend time with their children, but in many cases the children have also become extremely important to the stepparent and their feelings also count. Sometimes the moving of children between their parents involves cross-country plane trips; other visits are closer to the kids' permanent residence. Whatever the traveling distances may be, the more advance agreement there is between biological parents can make the holiday season considerably more enjoyable for everyone.

Most families have their ways of working out the schedule. Having the biological parents on good terms with each other helps a great deal, but that isn't the way it usually happens. There certainly is a logic in saying that if the children's father had them with him last year at Christmas, then their mother should have them this year. If both families are in town and no major traveling is required, Christmas can be celebrated in one home on December 24 and on December 25 in the other place. Trying to fit into grandparents' plans can become far too difficult, with the possibility of having four biological grandparents and four or more step-grandparents. The easiest way around the problem with the extended group of relatives is to say that your family is celebrating on whichever day is chosen and everyone else is encouraged to join you.

Thanksgiving is another major holiday that can be handled the same way. If one biological parent is having turkey, the other can serve something else. With it being the Thanksgiving weekend and not just one day, there is some scope for developing your family's own way of celebrating the occasion.

Although this site was mentioned in the first article about holidays, it is worth repeating. For a look at some ways a family can cope with the visits and moving around of the children, visit Holidays With Not-So-Wicked Stepparents. Suggestions for coping include "Plan Ahead," "Set Standards for Gift Giving," "New Traditions Within Your Stepfamily." The section on gift giving is particularly interesting, as this is an area where there can be a lot of misunderstanding and unhappiness.

The copyright of the article STEPPARENTS: A SECOND LOOK AT HOLIDAYS in Step- Parents is owned by Judi Chapman. Permission to republish STEPPARENTS: A SECOND LOOK AT HOLIDAYS in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.