If only because they share a lot of time together, the homemaker stepparent and the children have an opportunity to become closer to each other faster than does the stepparent working outside the home. When the decision is made that the stepparent will be home all day, the need for advance planning with the biological parent is vital. During the early days with the new family, the stepparent holds back to some degree in the area of discipline, but there obviously have to be guidelines when that parent is with the children all day or after school. Perhaps the most important thing is that both parents together tell the children that the stepparent is in charge and must be obeyed and respected.
In the case of the homemaker stepparent looking after his, hers, and maybe even their kids, the approach is the same with all the children, because the need for discussion with the other parent for serious problems still applies. As long as the stepparent and biological parent act as a team, the children will soon realize that one can't be played against the other.
The parent working at home usually is the stepmother. Society puts a lot of expectations on mothers, but the pressure is nothing compared with what the stepmother puts on herself...especially when she is with the children all day. She feels that she should love her stepchildren, but doesn't allow herself time to become a part of their lives first. In addition, she daily sees behaviors and expressions that indicate her stepchildren haven't accepted her, and wonders what she is doing wrong. She needs to ease up on herself and wait for the love and trust from the children to develop.
People still tend to assume that a homemaker is a woman, but we are living in a time when everyone does what he or she can. Sometimes the couple decide that it would be better for the stepfather to be home, or perhaps his out-of-home job is no longer available. Statistics reported at Baby Center indicate that fathers are more likely to stay home when economic conditions are bad, but there certainly are many cases where fathers thrive on being the homemaker no matter what the outside employment situation is like.
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