STEPMOTHER: PART ONE
There are different challenges for a woman who brings her biological children to the new marriage. She will want to treat all the children the same, but can't instantly start changing rules for the stepchildren. On the other hand, she won't want to disrupt her own children by changing expectations about their behavior any more than is necessary. At the beginning, it probably will be most effective if both the stepmother and stepfather discuss their expecations for the children in advance, work out some compromises, and then each present the major rules and guidelines to their biological children. If this can be done at a family meeting, so much the better. All the children will see that both parents are working together to make a happy and functioning home, and that "divide and conquer" probably won't be a useful way to approach something they want.
An interesting approach is seen in the article Stepmothers and Stepdaughters: A Stepdaughter Perspective, which offers a very detailed look at many varied aspects of the mother/child relationship.
Maureen McHugh presents a fascinating description of her stepmothering experiences at The Evil Stepmother. Her discussion of how her marriage (and mothering) has progressed over five years is informative and realistic.
No matter how hard the stepmother tries, nor how much success she has in her role, she often will feel inept, left out, or unappreciated. There are numerous sources on the Internet where she can find support, advice, and understanding. One is at Stepmoms' Penpal Network, where members understand the challenges involved in being a stepmother. Visitors will find a number other links at this page.
Stepmothers International also offers a lot of links to other sources of information. There is world-wide news and support at this page, but they charge for membership. However, it's possible to follow the links and read some of the information at the site without joining.
The site A Step in Time has a number of links, and also offers a scheduled Tuesday evening chat.
An excellent support page is at Stepmothers ARE Mothers, which offers a list of recommended books, legal information, polls, and surveys.
A number of stepparent organizations are working to present more information about stepmothers to the public. Perhaps we can see the day approaching when the inaccurate negative stereotypes in fiction and history will be overshadowed by greater knowledge about the hard work, difficult adjustments, and emotional investments
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