Spare time spent together as a family is an important part of developing bonds in the new group. Part One of this series deals with major holidays and how they affect stepparents, while Part Two will look at stepfamily vacations.
Holidays usually are a time of excitement, ritual, and various traditions, with families gathering together to celebrate and enjoy. An advantage that stepfamilies experience is that they have even more relatives to spend holidays with...but that benefit also holds the potential for problems.
If the stepfamily's children have another biological parent still living, there's a basic family of at least three people, and possibly four if the other biological parent has remarried. This extended family also can include at least three to four sets of grandparents on each side. Another consideration may be whether Christmas, Hanukkah, or both, will be celebrated by the stepfamily members. Where other biological parents are living, the issue of where holidays will be celebrated becomes a major point.
It's unfortunate that stepfamily holidays can be marked by competition. First, there can be the divorced parents vying for their children's affection; or it may be competition between stepparents and stepchildren for a parent's or spouse's attention. If biological parents are trying to hurt each other by using the children, the holiday ends up being damaged for everyone, and the child is left wondering if he or she was responsible for the problem.
This is the perfect opportunity to start building some traditions that are part of the stepfamily, rather than a continuation of everyone's former ways. Not that everyone has to give up the old ways, of course...what is cherished by one parent and children can be blended with the important aspects of the holiday season from the other parent and children. Although one family has always opened presents on Christmas Eve and the other on Christmas Day, it's a simple matter, for example, to decide to open half in the evening and the other half the morning. After some advance discussion, the entire family may decide that they'd rather open everything at one time, and in that way a new tradition for their family begins.
Another possibility is to make a major event out of some holidays that aren't normally celebrated very much. An opportunity to contribute to building strong family bonds, Halloween lends itself to some interesting ideas. Every family member can take part in planning costumes, deciding on the routine for trick-or-treating, and perhaps preparing for and hosting a party.
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