Imagine, though, what it's like for everyone when the "new person" arrives. Even if the family's routine has been almost totally dysfunctional, it still was theirs and they were used to it. For the new member of the household, there are glaring problems that need straightening out immediately. If the new arrival comes complete with child or children, there are now two groups with two different lifestyles, all under one roof.
The potential for problems is high. Watching some families as they attempt to blend, it's obvious to everyone that this is a problem just waiting to explode. We've all known families who have tackled the difficulties and created a close and loving blended family, and we also are aware of ones that are strained and unhappy.
The presentation of stepmothers in fairy tales hasn't helped the cause at all. If a small child is told that he or she will soon have a new stepmother, it can be a terrifying thought, bringing up visions of poisoned apples or household drudgery. The article Dump the Evil Stepparent Myth discusses some of the problems associated with these children's stories.
Looking at some of the impressive collection of statistics from Stepfamily Association of America, we see that current estimates suggest "60% of all first marriages eventually end in divorce," "about 75% of divorced persons eventually remarry," and "about 65% of remarriages involve children from the prior marriage and thus form stepfamilies." Obviously a lot of people are involved in stepfamilies!
Ideally, planning for a stepfamily will begin before the wedding. Both adults need to have discussions on various topics, such as discipline. The fact that each family has a different set of standards makes it imperative that a blend is decided on before the families are living together, as consistency is a major necessity with children. What are considered serious infractions in each home? How can both lists be combined into one system for all?
Another potentially dangerous area is the name for the stepparent. Children of divorce have a living mom and dad and are not likely to want to use those names with a stepparent, and some children with a deceased parent can be just as reluctant to call a newcomer by the special name. It is, of course, vital that a stepparent not insist on the "mom" or "dad" name, as this can threaten a child whose life is undergoing major changes.
Go To Page: 1 2
| Here's the follow-up discussion on this article: | View all related messages |
For a complete listing of article comments, questions, and other discussions related to Judi Chapman's Step- Parents topic, please visit the Discussions page.