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Learn from the Mistakes of Others: An Open Mike Review

© Vince Martin

Last month I had the opportunity to "headline" an open mike at a club in south Florida. While the show didn't pay, I was looking forward to the opportunity to do a longer set than usual and also to see some young comics. I hadn't been to an open mike since my days in New York, and I had forgotten how interesting and fascinating, but more often dreadfully unfunny they can be.

It did occur to me, however, while watching the show, that many of the aspiring comics in Florida were making the same mistakes I had seen comics make in New York (and likely, made myself). As such, I thought it would be a good look at what NOT to do when you're a beginning comedian.

1. Do not open filthy.

This is the oldest trick in the open-miker book, it is ineffective, unfunny, and a good way for a booker to write you off before you get your first punchline out of your mouth. It usually goes like this -- open-miker walks on stage, grabs the microphone, and says, "So my girlfriend was (expletive expletive)..." or "I'm (expletive) this girl..." It's not funny -- it's embarrassing and uncomfortable. It turns off most of the audience and it's been done before -- A MILLION TIMES.

2. Stop being so angry.

Bitter comedy doesn't play very well nowadays; it certainly is not going to play well when you're an MC or a feature act. Nobody wants to follow the guy who spends five minutes complaining -- not joking, complaining -- about his girlfriend. (Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with girlfriend jokes -- I do a bunch of them. It's the attitude. Keep it LIGHT.)

2a. Stop pacing.

This goes along with #2 -- a lot of young comics pace too much, back and forth, spewing angry rhetoric. Relax -- it's comedy. Granted, this is a bit of a personal preference, but the angry, bitter stuff just doesn't fly, particularly when you don't have the audience's trust. The only comic I can think of off-hand who paces effectively is Chris Rock -- and you are not Chris Rock (and neither am I).

3. Don't smoke on stage.

It looks dumb, it messes up your timing, and it means the audience has to listen to you exhale 43 times in 6 minutes. Other than that, it's fine.

4. Don't blame the crowd.

Maybe the crowd IS dead; it's your job to get them back up. You have one chance to tease the crowd, and you'll get a laugh. After that, you're on your own. The crowd knows they're quiet -- you telling them so over and over isn't going to get you anywhere.