Achieving the "Survivor" Mentality.

Many stalking victims (not all!) have low self-esteem. One way to develop a higher self-esteem is to set goals. Goals allow you to leave behind the "victim" mentality and achieve the "survivor" mentality. You are taking control of your life.

Have you ever noticed that it takes longer to shop for groceries if you don't have a list? Then, when you get home you still don't have the ONE item you really needed! That is how it is if you don't have goals. It will take you longer to finish what you're doing, and it might not even be what you wanted.

Goal setting is easy. It just takes time. You might want to break the steps up into 20-minute chunks.

The first thing you need to do is break your life down into categories: Spiritual, Physical/Health, Emotional, Career, Financial, and Relationship. Spend at least 20 minutes brainstorming what you want from life under each of these categories. Use a timer and don't censor anything. Write continuously for the 20 minutes.

After you have several goals under each of the categories, pick out five that you want to accomplish in the next five years, then five that you want to accomplish in ten years, etc. Take each of these goals and break them into mini-goals. For example, one of my five goals under Physical/Health may be to compete in a triathlon (it is!!!). My mini-goals would include: get a complete physical from my doctor, set up a training schedule to include each of the three components of the triathlon (biking, swimming, running), researching nutritional information, and registering for the event.

These mini-goals are the main steps you need to take to accomplish your overall goal. If you have trouble thinking of mini-goals, it helps to picture yourself as having achieved the goal and then working back from there. For example, I would see myself completing the triathlon and then try to figure out what the steps were I took to get there.

Once you have set your goals, give your goal a deadline. Don't just say "I want a new job", say "I will have a new job by December of 2000". Goals must be measurable and specific. If you don't set a deadline, you won't accomplish the goal.

It's also important to write down your goals in an action statement. For me that would be: I will complete a sprint triathlon by September 26, 2000.

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