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How long will it take?

© Kristie Davis

Those of us who have had an experience with a stalker, whether it be a minor, short-term event or a major, life-threatening event know that it takes a while to recover. But how long? And is it possible to ever feel totally safe again?

I thought that I had put all thoughts of my stalking experience out of my head, but writing about the event has triggered new nightmares. I am still afraid to be alone, although I handle it much better now.

Sometimes I feel foolish that I still wonder if he will ever try to find me. I live in another state and have a new last name now, but sometimes in the dark of the night when I'm alone, I will let my imagination run wild. What if he finds me? What if he goes crazy and comes after me...? What will I do?

Although I know the chances of that occurring are slim, I still let it bother me sometimes. I am trying to work through the situation, but it takes time.

I'm writing this from the heart because I want those of you who feel that they should just forget it happened and go on with their lives (as I have done for the last few years) to really stop and think. Can an event that disrupted your life ever truly be forgotten? You need to uncover your fear and expose it to the light of day for true recovery to begin. You can bury it, but it's never forgotten.

Something that I have found helpful recently has been to talk about my experience. It is very releasing to let all the pent-up emotions out into the open. Try it! Find a safe friend who will listen empathetically and tell them how you feel. Tell them that you still have fear, anger and resentment. Tell them that certain things remind you of the person. Tell them everything. You don't have to tell every single person you meet, but trusted friends can add wonders to your point-of-view!

I told a close friend about the situation and instead of berating me to get on with my life and forget it happened, my friend listened to me and then said quietly, "It must have been rough. I wish I had been there for you." The validation was wonderful. Yes, it was rough. But I am still here. I am a survivor. We all are. That conversation helped me realize that I was still blaming myself for something that I had no control over. No more!

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