Stalking 101

Last month I told you about the mistakes that I made while I was being stalked. I want to make it very clear that I was lucky that my story ended the way it did. Too many people are not so lucky.

According to a national survey, about eight percent of women and two percent of men have been stalked at some point in their lives. The report also says that most cases lasted under a year. (Tjaden, P., 1997, Center for Policy Research, Denver, CO) Although the cases might last only a year, the trauma will last for a long time. If you are a victim of a stalker now, you need to get help immediately. Don't try to protect the stalker. Protect yourself. Here are some things you can do:

Make sure you tell the individual that the relationship is over. Use precise, clear language. Do not WORRY about hurting his or her feelings. This is one time when being blunt is a virtue!

Document any contact the stalker makes with you. Keep cards, pictures, notes and answering machine messages. As much as you might want to trash them, don't! These items are your proof!

Contact your local authorities. Let them know that you are a victim of stalking. Even if you never plan to prosecute, at least your complaint is on record.

Seek professional counseling. Although at the moment you may think that everything is fine, that this is not affecting you, it is. Trust me. There might come a time, years down the road, when you are scared to be alone -- when little things suddenly make you think of the stalker. A professional can help you sort out your feelings. This is an important part of your recovery.

Educate yourself! Make sure you read articles on stalking and check out your state's stalking laws. Learn how to protect yourself. Find out every little nuance of the law in your state. It wasn't that long ago when there were few stalking laws to protect victims. There are now. Make it a point to learn them all.

Learn self-defense. Take a class to empower yourself. Learn how to read your surroundings. This doesn't give you the power to face the stalker, but it will make you feel slightly safer.

Lock your doors immediately upon entering your home. Never go anywhere alone! Tell people about your stalker. Don't keep it inside. Tell your family, your friends, your landlord, and your boss. Tell anyone whom the stalker might use to get more information about you. Make sure you take precautions.

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