Iron-Fisted N.B.A.

There is something troubling going on in the world of professional basketball. People are becoming tight-lipped. Players and owners are actually thinking before they speak. Why are so many millionaires afraid to tell it like it is? Simple. The N.B.A. has an itchy trigger finger when it comes to firing off fines at its players and owners.

Hey, Mark Cuban, you just shot a dirty look at the referee; I hope you brought your chequebook with you.

Hey, Kevin Garnett, some people might call you "Money", but if you say that you would like to have Joe Smith as a team mate again, your nickname will be "Lack O' Money" as in the N.B.A. will fine you for "tampering".

"Tampering"!? You've got to be kidding me. I can see the rationale for dissuading ownership and management from hinting that a player under contract to another team should slither over as soon as his contract is up, but what's the harm in players talking about who they'd like to play with? No harm, no foul, as far as I'm concerned. James Bond tampers with stuff. The IRA tampers with stuff. An N.B.A. player who speaks his mind is not tampering, he's human.

Ah, yes, there's a novel concept: human beings actually being HUMAN. Have you seen an N.B.A. locker room interview lately? If not, here's what you would hear:

"The referees are human like the rest of us ... we didn't get the job done ... we have to go back to the drawing board."

Translation: "The referees forgot their seeing-eye dogs, and, as a result, we lost a must-win road game."

N.B.A. locker room interviews have about as much flare as an N.F.L. end zone celebration -- oh, that's right, the N.F.L. doesn't allow end zone celebrations. The next time I see Shaq monotone a "No comment" after a reporter asks him if the referees missed any key calls, I'd like to see someone pull out an oil can to lube up Shaq's joints a la The Tin Man.

N.B.A. head office is sucking the life out of its players. A league full of drones is attemting to put on a happy face, but we need to call in The X-Files. When's the last time anyone has seen Dennis Rodman? Try searching N.B.A. Commissioner David Stern's basement. Rasheed Wallace, you technical foul king, if a few pale white guys in suits come knocking at your door, don't open it, because in the eyes of the N.B.A. you are part of the problem.

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