Is It Worth It? The Price of Being Right
I have noticed an unfortunate incident occuring lately, everywhere from internet discussion groups to political powers to parents. It is something that has been labeled "extremism" in several cases, and the word "intolerance" gets thrown around liberally. It's the need to be right. Perhaps it's more prevalent now because we are entering a new era, and energies on earth are changing accordingly. Change is always difficult and many will resist it, making clear the dividing line between those who have adapted and are flexible, and those who tenaciously refuse to get on board. Now, I like a good debate as much as anyone, and often engage in debate to hone my skills and deepen my own understanding of both my own position and that of the opposing camp. But there is a huge difference between the way I debate and the way I've seen many others debate: I don't play to win.
I'm not saying that I don't try to bring the other party around to my point of view, because that is one of the points of debating. However, I always remember that it is not my job to change someone else's opinion-that is something they have to do themselves. I provide the reasons behind my own opinion and hope that maybe something will stick with them. I try to keep to the topic and never resort to rudeness or ad hominems. I don't insult someone else's intelligence, I freely admit it when I'm wrong, and I stop and think about what the other person is saying before I reply.
Unfortunately, time and time again I have seen people resort to dirty tactics in order to win or stagnate a debate. A person sometimes will do whatever it takes to offend the other person in order to draw attention away from the fact that he or she can't successfully back up their opinion. Often ad hominems will be thrown around when the other party doesn't come around to the "right" way of thinking. Even when cornered with irrefutable facts, a person will refuse to admit he or she is wrong. These people have to validate their own opinions by tearing down the opposition.
If you ever find yourself doing this, walk away immediately. What it says about you is that you aren't confident enough in your own mind to be discussing the issue. You get so busy defending what you believe that you can't even hear what the other person is saying, let alone honestly take a look at their ideas to see if there is any merit to them. The old saying, "The best defense is a good offense" applies here. But the problem is, that isn't an exchange of ideas-it's a battle. Not only that, it's a battle that no one will win. When two people feel the need to validate their own ideas and fight tenaciously against any kind of opposition, all that happens is no one gets heard and everyone gets angry.
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