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The Lonely Child...still lonely even with Inclusion....

© Mary Pantazis

In my years of teaching and working with special education and talking with parents of special needs children, all of the parents had one major concern in common. The concern was always the same one, they wanted their child to have friends, to get invited to birthday parties and sleep overs. To have a playmate and to be able to have fun with other children. Always the complaint was that their child never had a friend.

With inclusion the isolation that these children and parents felt seems to have intensified. Children with special needs are no longer in classrooms with their own peers. They are now placed in classrooms with the "so called normal" population. While that may sound like a great plan, did the child really make friends with the children in the classroom outside of the classroom? How many included children are actually attending birthday parties and going to friends homes after school?

When I had a self contained program I was able to help the children within the class to form friendships with each other. The girls could exchange phone numbers as part of our skills for living classes. The boys could play outside with a softball and pass to each other as part of my class, as a way to help them to form friendships with each other.

When the self contained programs were gone, so was the opportunity to help children to form friendships. My neice is a special needs child and when we attend her birthday parties, my children are usually the only ones in attendance. Her so called inclusionary experience is certainly lacking something in this regard.

Since most people say that Inclusion is for students to help with their social skills, one would conclude that would mean that children would develop some friendships to practice social skills. But I have never found that to be true.

Attend a school lunch in an elementary school. Are the special needs students having conversations with the other kids? Or are they sitting among them, alone? I have been there and seen these kids, sitting there alone. Some have an adult aide with them to help them eat, others sit quietly and eat their lunches. Sure they are included, but they are still alone. These kids are still set apart and different. The general population has learned to politely ignore our special needs population.

Parents of special needs children still have the same concerns with and without inclusion. They want their children to have fun and to be invited to birthday parties. Is it happening now that our students are included? I think not.

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