Southern Speak

One of the first things people from outside the South notice about Southerners is our speech. Sometimes it sounds like a totally different language to one who is unused to hearing it.

Here's a primer I ran across the other day--I don't know who wrote it, but it's a pretty accurate reflection of SouthernSpeak.

Enjoy--and remember that every Redneck joke Jeff Foxworthy tells has a grain of truth in it. Sometimes more.

HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: Heidi, Hire yew?"

BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "Mah brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: "Mah brother from Jawjuh bard mah pickup truck."

BAMMER - (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh's Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage: "Mah brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

THANK - (verb) - Ability to cognitively process. Usage: "Ah thank a'll have a bare."

BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them Bammer boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I left mah ranch in the back of that pickup truck mah brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope mah brother from Jawjuh puts all in mah pickup truck."

FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage: "If mah brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck,that thing's gonna catch far." TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck." TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage: "Mah grampaw retard at age 65."

FAT - (noun), (verb) -- a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.

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