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Self-esteem - part 1

© Asha Wate

I wonder if a person living alone on an island would ever experience a lack of self-esteem. Self-esteem is essentially a product of what one thinks of self and not what others think of the person. Yet it is almost non existent when you are alone.

Though the person himself makes or breaks his self-image society plays an important role in providing the ground for comparison. Society expects certain types of performance and behavior from everyone and if one fails to live up to these expectations it can lead to low self-esteem. Thus study of self-esteem also becomes a part of social psychology.

The people with low self-esteem are everywhere. They can be successful or unsuccessful, male or female, young or old. They are there in an every corner of the world torturing themselves. Sometimes they project themselves as happy but their inner child is terrified. They may act like rebellion just to prove themselves. They may feel very helpless and trapped. The low self-esteem may have any of these faces. The ultimate result is however the same, lack of self-confidence, self worth and self-respect.

The people with low self esteem always live in the shadow of doubt. By comparing themselves with others on unreasonable grounds they make their lives miserable. They do not perceive themselves as capable of doing anything good. They are experts in filtering out positive feedback or event as accidents. Thus even the conventionally successful person may attribute his success to his good fortune, something that is external to him.

In general their attitude towards the world is either offensive or defensive. Some people constantly feel down, they fear new situations, put little efforts in something productive. While some people always lose their temper, criticize others and blame others for their failure, they are quick to get into arguments. Most people however vacillate between these two states.

People with low self-esteem suffer from fear of exposing their inadequacy, fear of losing what they have and also from fear of humiliation. These irrational fears isolate them socially and refrain them from sharing their feelings or opinions with others. This makes them underachievers.

Past learning and childhood experiences contribute a lot to the development of low self-esteem. Factors like over criticizing parents, rejection, being teased or ridiculed aggravates these feelings. Sometimes the person is taught to accept nothing less than perfect. These people have high expectations from themselves. When they fail to meet those they suffer from low self-esteem.