Home » Education & Career » Emotional Intelligence » Emotionally Intelligent Parenting

Emotionally Intelligent Parenting

© Marilyn Robb

Since 'emotional intelligence' became a popular term about six years ago emphasis has been placed on what is going on in the classroom and then later in organisations. The more we understood about how emotions affect learning and functioning, the more efforts were placed in developing programmes to be used in the classroom as a way of enhancing learning through emotional competence.

However we must not forget the connection between school and home; that these two must complement each other.Whatever is taught in school must extend to and be practised in the home. Otherwise the purpose would be defeated from the word go.

Teaching a child in the classroom to identify what he is feeling, to express these feelings in appropriate language and guiding him through activities to safely and effectively release these feelings and then sending him home where there is little attention paid to emotional skills will put that child in a dilemma. Imagine no-one at home who will take the time to ask him and be prepared to listen to how he feels when his older brother teases him. Or no-one at home to interrupt when the two begin shouting insults and end up fighting with each other. And they are left alone to 'sort it out themselves'.

Imagine a child who comes from a home where everyone is given equal opportunity to be heard and where family meetings are common; or activities and outings are set up to allow the young people to learn and practicse values such as sharing, negotiation, building positive relationships and resolving conflicts with good models from the adults. And this child comes to a classroom where the teacher is the authority and the young ones must sit quietly and listen all day, they must stifle or put away their feelings of sadness,fear, anxiety , embarrassment etc. By the time the child reaches home at the end of the school day he is either so shut-down that he can't relate well with his family and focus on his homework or extra studies, or he can't hold those feelings in any longer. These feelings get triggered easily, by a simple word or a slight action by someone at home and causes inappropriate behavioural responses.

The parent now has to know how to help this child cope with the emotional stress built up all day in the classroom. Hence the term emotionally intelligent parenting. Parents are encouraged to learn as much as teachers about emotions and the brain and to use the same principles and activities at home with their children.