Eloquence meets Irreverence

Sport may well be the one arena where eloquence meets irreverence with beauteous and amusing results. The shock comment respectfully delivered. It is where being entertaining and educational shares a border with being smug and impertinent. Given that news in general is of a disheartening nature, earthquakes, murders etc., a standard of delivery representing decorum is undoubtedly appropriate. Etiquette and political correctness have their place. We are hardly likely to enjoy Dennis Miller adding colour comments to acts of child molestation or violence, but welcomed him into our homes to add spice to Monday Night Football.

Sport, thankfully, encompasses a huge proportion of entertainment. This should allow society to accept telecast coverage that can stretch the parameters of acceptable comment in the interests of delivering this entertainment factor. Bear in mind that large segments of viewers are not only interested in the winning team or individual, but are also engrossed in a potential learning experience. The enormous audience of the Super Bowl just happens to include millions who look forward to interruptions in play, simply to delight in the battle of the advertisements.

Golf fans will remember commentator Gary McCord at the Masters where he described the greens as being “bikini-waxed.” A vast majority of ‘ordinary’ fans in a massive television audience doubtless appreciated this comment in the spirit in which it was delivered – attempting to describe Augusta Nationals lightning fast greens in a manner not repeated a million times before. (Make that a million and one.) “This putt will be fast, Jim.” “Two putt or not two putt, Jim, that is the question.” Shakespeare himself wouldst perchance seek refuge in clichés when it comes to commenting repeatedly on those slick earth surfaces. The Masters, of course, is very far removed from ever being noted ‘ordinary’ and McCord had to wax eloquently somewhere else for his benign denigration. To paraphrase the words of Fairway Louie, the Masters Committee must reside in the chamber of this contradiction.

This is the quintessential exception that proves the rule. The incontrovertible evidence collected from a century of the sport of golf dictates respect for traditions, honour among thieves and fair play. Augusta greens have been called everything from bowling alleys to bathtubs, but somehow bikini wax crossed a line. One could say the line was hard to read. And so the world must survey the Masters greens without the impertinence and the articulacy of Gary “plumbob that moustache” McCord.

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