"I Was Only Joe Keane, My Dear...."

So I'm sucking some java-soured saccharine with Roy Keane. Two Irishmen from two different parts of the Republic. Roy hails from Cork while I emanated and emigrated from Dublin. Now Cork and Dublin do not exactly love each other but as frequently sporting opponents they have mutual respect for each other's opinions. There is one other difference between Roy and I, he is captain of Manchester United and I am not. Well, if our names were interchanged, he would of course be Roy Martin and I would be Joe Keane, or as Rod Stewart might sing if he was a little tipsy, "I was only Joe Keane my dear..."

"What's the story Roy? I asks getting straight to the point. "Are you going to Juventus next year or what?" "Is it really a 65 billion lire deal?" "That's two questions, Joe, the second part is more true than the first part at the moment and of course, you know that I don't care beyond the next game at United right now." "Yeah! well Roy I just don't want you to turn out like Steve McManaman last year when he took the year off while he figured out how to turn huge pounds sterling into even more Spanish pesetas. Two years ago Maca was magic. Last year he was rubbish. Suddenly he's back playing well for his new club Real Madrid (and even England) and I don't understand other than to assume the obvious and cynical view that he didn't care about Liverpool last year. Roy's face has lit up a little and I'm glad that we are not challenging for a ball in the centre circle, but he stays reasonably calm and responds. "I'm not going to talk about Maca and his millions Joe, but let me tell you that I am playing for Man Utd and it doesn't matter what they are paying me.

"Ok, ok says I. How about United then? Can you win the European Champions League again, and retain the Premiership while you're at it?" "We won't mention the FA Cup"

"Yes," says himself, looking like he is enjoying his coffee more than the equally stimulating conversation, "who is going to stop us?" "We've already won at Highbury and Anfield this year." "You might have noticed my two goals against the Arsenal, Joe." "Yeah! very similar to my two last Sunday Roy, except they won't be on television any time soon."

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