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Seinfeld Soccer

© Joe Martin

So I'm talking to Jerry Seinfeld and it's a story about nothing. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Lots of comedy shows are about nothing. Jerry says he fancies Spurs for the "real" cup and I suppose there's always a chance that he could be right. A win away to Barnsley puts them into the last four for a certain to be tension filled semi final. Add to that the George Graham factor, (whatever that means) and you can't rule them out.

Manchester United play Chelsea in the prize draw which not for the first time this season will eliminate one of the favourites, while Newcastle will hope to make Everton fans considerably more miserable than they already are. That just leaves Arsenal to continue their hopes of repeating as winners when they face the inconsistent Derby County.

I tell Jerry about Totenham's interest in signing 18-year-old Robbie Keane (Ireland's answer to Michael Owen) and he doesn't believe the 8.5 million sterling tag. I believe it since Lazio have been reported as offering 25 million for the 19-year-old Owen. Juventus' apparent 15-million bid for Nicolas Anelka's services is beginning to look modest. Pretty soon Dennis Rodman will look like a bargain for the Lakers. Remember when Trevor Francis became the first player transferred for 1 million and we all thought the world had gone nuts. "No, I don't, says Jerry."

Now Jerry, not shy of a few million himself, wonders just what will these kids do when they turn 22 and are not quite so hungry anymore? They're supposed to continue to get better until at least 26 to 28 years of age but you certainly can't pay them enough money as incentive. It takes years to learn how to spend the amount of cash coming their way thick and fast. Let's hope they possess a true love for the game that can transcend the money and allow them to continue to develop. "Right," says the comedian among us.

I have to bring "our" Jerry up to date on "poor" Ronaldo, the world's number one for a few years by the time he was 20 and arguably washed up since the enormous pressure of France '98. He has obviously been rewarded financially beyond average comprehension but at what cost otherwise. How important will the money be to him if he does not win a World Cup with Brazil? How can you put a price on emotional well-being? Nothing funny here, but you can sense Jerry shifting uneasily. Good luck Ronaldo, we'd like to see you at your entertaining best again soon.

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