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Trading Places, starring Big Ron & Wee Ronnie.

© Joe Martin

So Nottingham Forest did what the soccer world expected and gave Big Ron Atkinson his somewhat customary role of saviour to the relegation-threatened. For Dave Bassett and his impending exit, it was only a matter of time. His visit to soccer Limbo will doubtless be of a temporary nature until some other club views him as their "saviour." Swings and roundabouts, don't you know.

Meanwhile, wee Ronnie Zeitner is continuing to manage Coquitlam Royals over forties to a lengthy unbeaten run extending back to September of last year, thanks in no small part of course to the outstanding and consistent performances of yours truly in the engine room. The question stuck me, "Could wee Ronnie save Nottingham Forest from seemingly certain relegation and could Big Ron impart any knowledge our way if given the chance? The answer is No but as Arsenio Hall used to say, "Things that make you go Hmmmmmmmm?" and things that make me go "why not?"

Big Ron will return from holidaying in Barbados (where all of us unemployed go to recharge our batteries while in between posts, right?) and doubtless shake up a squad that is already talented on paper. He will make an immediate "impressive" signing to "strengthen" this squad and while showing off his new gold bracelets over cigars and champagne, he will entertain and enthrall his friends in the media. During the party, he will naturally announce to all listening ears the "real" reasons why Forest are bottom of the Premier and how they're going to do a Sheffield Wednesday 1998 repeat. Just one difficulty this time, Ron - we've seen the movie a few times now and sometimes remakes have a different ending.

Wee Ronnie will return from the squads trip to Las Vegas this weekend (minus me, because being really unemployed I get to spend my downtime at home), and doubtless reinstate me in a squad that's not quite so talented on paper. As I said before, the game is not played on paper.

I'd rather have wee Ronnie running the show. Good luck, Ron. No really, I mean it.