It’s amazing when you look back at a moment seemingly so insignificant at the time that you can gauge its importance and wonder why you couldn’t see it when it was happening. Hindsight is like that, yes. It makes us feel relief (thank God I didn’t take that route, I’d be stuck in traffic for hours), it makes us feel wise (I knew I was right in choosing that job) and it makes us ask ourselves what the hell were we thinking.
A couple of teasing remarks the other night, words meant in jest but not taken by the recipient as such, yanked me out of my happy state of coupledom and plunked me right back down in heartbreak city. I apologized, of course – confused as to what I had done wrong but willing to make amends. Nevertheless, exit my significant other and enter a night of restless and fitful sleep (and chain-smoking and consuming nothing but Coca-Cola).
So I looked at my previous articles today, and saw my admonitions to my friend. “Just forget about him,” I said. Easy for me to do, since I was happily ensconced in what seemed like a perfect pairing. Lest you think me cruel, I apologized to my friend before my own misfortune took me by surprise. I recall saying to her then, “I forgot how hard it is to get over someone. If my boyfriend and I were to break up, I’d be devastated.” I don’t know if I am, really. I think shocked and numb is more like it. And not feeling at all like the strong, independent person I thought I was. I feel like a kid who’s had her blankie taken away.
So forgive me, readers, if I seemed callous before. It was years before I took a chance on a real relationship again, and now I know why. The ending hurts, and it’s not so easy to just “Get Over It”. It just isn't.
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