I AM Happily Single, Damn It!

I’m going to a friend’s wedding this weekend. I hate weddings, and not because (as some may think) I am: bitter, lonely, resentful, or any other reason I’ve had thrown at me for years. I think they’re a waste of money that could be spent on other things. Like shoes, for instance.

All joking aside, this wedding started me thinking about myself and my status as a single person. I cannot count the number of times people have asked me (even complete strangers) why I (a) am not married and (b) don’t have a boyfriend. Actually, I do have a boyfriend now, but that’s beside the point. I am not married because I don’t want to be.

True, I was married twice, both times at pretty young ages (21 and again at 25). It’s also true that my second marriage was an emotional nightmare, and that I became a little bitter for a short time, thinking to myself, “What did I do wrong to deserve this?” I’ve since grown up and realized sometimes things just don’t work out. And that sometimes, something NOT working out was indeed a blessing.

My friends don’t believe me when I say I don’t want to get remarried again. They think that I will change my mind when I meet the “right person”. I don’t believe in that one “right person”. I’ve stopped trying to convince them otherwise. I’m sure some think I am a freak of nature – after all, what woman doesn’t want to be married? I don’t. And I also do not believe in lifelong monogamy, especially since the average life span is 70+ years. I’d get sick of the same person for so long, as well I would assume they would tire of me.

Go ahead now – throw some romantic story of a couple you know who has been married for sixty-five years, were childhood sweethearts, danced cheek-to-cheek at their 50th wedding anniversary. That isn’t really an exception. You haven’t been there with them, day in and day out, inside their heads and their hearts. Maybe they stayed together because of religion, shame, fear or for their children’s sake (I’ve never understood that reason). How do you know they wouldn’t have been better off single? I was (still am).

I can say this with confidence about myself, and it’s because I’ve been down that road of marriage twice – a couple of detours from my life that I could have done without, to tell the truth. Since it seemed to me that I lost myself in those two relationships, I decided a while ago not to even consider marriage again, but instead to make my life (without or without a romantic partner) more fulfilling.

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