How Do You Know When It's Over?

There is a question that has plagued everyone in a relationship, male and female alike, at one time or another: How do you know when it’s over? Of course, there is the obvious “I don’t want to see you anymore, get out of my life, leave” you might hear from your once significant other. But was it over before that, before the actual break up? Do we linger too long in relationships that have outlived their shelf lives?

Once a relationship junkie/serial monogamist myself, I found it easier to discern the ending when I was younger. No “baggage” to consider then, it seemed quite simple to know when it was over: one or both of us got bored, changed schools, left one part-time job for another. The transient nature of life when you are younger (on up through college and the few years afterwards) lent itself to couplings that would last for a while, ending neatly with the partners moving on to the next social endeavor. Growing older (growing up), it’s less simple.

For example, I was involved with someone a couple years ago that I sort of liked. He was fun but soon became a little too “serious” (not towards me, just in his attitude) and I found myself wanting to see him less and less. However, it was not until he made a really nasty remark about my dog (a HUGE no-no in my book) that I just stopped calling him. Easy enough. It was way over with that one conversation.

But in another relationship, I had problems deciding when I really wanted to leave. There was so much to love about this guy, yet nagging little doubts would plague my subconscious mind (coming out in dreams, mostly) and made me wonder if I should or shouldn’t just go on and get it over with. The straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back (and my heart) was his relationship with another woman (supposedly “just friends”) that took precedence over his time with me. What had bothered me all along became something I just couldn’t live with anymore, even though I cared a lot for him. That is when it is hardest to know: when you’re still in love but know it’s just not good for you.

My friends were sick of hearing me complain and not do anything about it. One day, it hit me that I, too, was sick of hearing myself complain. While in the midst of deciding the fate of that relationship, a friend of mine put it this way to me: do you have more fun with him in your life, or is it better when he isn’t around? Thinking long and hard about this prompted me to move on – he was indeed a lot of fun in and out of bed, but my heart hurt most of the time, and the relationship was wearing on my emotions.

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