At What Price Independence?
In decades past, it was easy being a woman, what with the assumed roles we took regardless of our real desires. I say easy because this didn’t force us down the path to self-discovery, which is innately difficult. Letting society place us where we were “supposed” to go, if we felt unfulfilled, lonely or frustrated we got over it because that was just “the way it is”. Fortunately, however, some of us didn’t fall to our knees quite so obediently. Those courageous women led us to a way of life young women take for granted these days.
I have never known a time where I once thought I was “supposed” to get married, must have babies, or felt that if I didn’t once I was 30, I was a failure. There were no “old maid” jokes around my family’s table – at least not until lately. Here I am at 33, happy and successful and enjoying my life in a way I’ve never been able to before – and I hear my father say to me, “At your age, you should be home with your family.”
What is most strange about this comment is that he is the one who encouraged me to stay in college rather than get married, who supported my decision to leave my abusive second marriage and strike out on my own. My father didn’t think I had to wed – he instead insisted that a college degree should be my main concern. How I wish I had listened to him at 21 instead of getting married.
When exactly his tune changed, I don’t know. It wasn’t like it hit overnight – one day he is singing the praises of independent young women, the next day he wants another grandchild. It sneaked up on me, more or less. And bit me in the rear when at dinner one night, I am relaying an amusing story of an adventure my boyfriend and I had in some club, and my father states what he feels is the obvious: “You need to be at home with your family.”
My family? Since I no longer live with my parents, I consider them my extended family – much like I did when I was married. My family these days consists of myself and my Min Pin. Sparky is not exactly emotionally scarred when I run around on the weekends (and the occasional weeknight, although I haven’t made that a habit in years). Yes, he may get upset because I am gone more than usual, but he has a yard and a house and generally is very happy whether or not I am there. I don’t foresee thousands in therapy bills because I’ve been a bad mama and left him all alone. So my father’s argument is beyond my comprehension. If that is what I NEED to be doing, then don’t I NEED a family in order to be at home with them?
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