A Guide (of sorts) To Getting Over It - Part One


"Uh, we need to talk."

Great, you know exactly where this is heading. Those four words, "we need to talk," elicit fear and uncertainty in the mind of the ordinary person. It HAS to be bad news: if it were good news, the person speaking this phrase wouldn't have to preface it with a disclaimer that makes one's heart stand still for a microsecond.

We need to talk.

And so you do. Actually, they do all the talking. You just sit there like a lump, digesting this turn of events in your relationship: the ending. Breaking up with someone is like any other kind of loss - you deny it happened, you get angry, you grieve your loss and then you get over it. Well, most of us do. There are a few of us who hang on for years, but the majority of us just need the time to get through the stages of post-breakup healing.

In order to be successful while "moving on" with your life after the relationship, you must understand the timeline of what happens following the breakup. The first twenty-four hours are most crucial. This is where many of us lose it and consume an entire chocolate cake and listen to The Carpenters over and over again, getting sloshed and calling old lovers on the phone for validation. Through my years of dating experience (I am by no means an expert), I offer the following helpful suggestions that might make it a little easier on you:

Denial is the first step in getting over a loss. It pays to move past this as quickly and painlessly as possible. You must realize and truly know that your love boat just sank. Repeat it over and over if it helps. DO NOT CALL YOUR EX. Unplug your phone, hide your cellular, leave the house if you have to. Just don’t pick up that phone! It happened. Now head quickly for Step Two.

Two: The First 24 Hours, or Total Self-Destruction (my favorite part of the post-breakup, one that is never mentioned in self-help books, mainly because of its self-destructive nature, hence the name). This stage occurs in otherwise normal and sane persons during the first 24 hours. It is like a virus: don't try to fight it, just ride it out. To get through it relatively unscathed and with little permanent damage, you should have a Remedy Kit on hand in case such an emergency arises. In it you will find:

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