GOD-COLOURED LENSES - A personal account
When I was a teenager, the greatest problem I faced was in reconciling my faith and the world around me. It is a unique position to be in when you are a Muslim woman who observes the veil and practices Islam actively.
In later years, I became e-pals with a blind man. He would tell me about how difficult it was to adapt to an environment that had been created so exclusively for the sighted and I found myself relating to him on some level. I had to deal with a world that had no place for Muslim views.
I can’t count how many times people have expressed sympathy at the fact that I cover myself, or just stared at me and kept a wide berth if they didn’t have the courage to speak to me. Some have even been surprised that I can speak English or have an opinion!
So a gap grew between Me the Muslim and Me the Muslim that People Saw. The difference was more spiritual than anything else. I’d wonder how to excuse myself when I needed to go pray without actually mentioning my reason or how to ask at college or during a conference for a spare room where I could perform my prayers. Blank stares, lengthy explanations and a general confusion were usually involved.
At the mosque or within my community, I would undergo a subtle transformation and re-connect with my faith. But what is a faith that cannot be expressed at all times? How deep does its roots go? How healthy is its bloom?
Then one day, as I read through the Qur’an, I came across the verses where God says: “And in the earth are signs for those whose faith is sure, and in yourselves too. Can you then not see?”
(The Winnowing Winds, Chapter 51, Verses 20 & 21)
I had read them often, but that day I stopped and pondered on them. It was true. I seemed to have lost the sharpness of my sight. Everything around me was listless, lacking, mediocre and I didn’t know why. Was my faith not sure?
Desperate (and a little frightened) I began to hunt for signs. I could see God in the Qur’an where He spoke to me, I could see Him in my prayers when I spoke to Him, I could see Him in the mosque, but these verses said to look elsewhere and most confusingly, in myself. The only thing I saw in the mirror was the usual reflection.
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