Sonnet 42: A Love Justified

That thou hast her, it is not all my grief,
And yet it may be said I loved her dearly;
That she hath thee is of my wailing chief,
A loss in love that touches me more nearly.
Loving offenders, thus I will excuse ye:
Thou dost love her because thou know'st I love her,
And for my sake even so doth she abuse me,
Suf'ring my friend for my sake to approve her.
If I lose thee, my loss is my love's gain,
And losing her, my friend hath found that loss:
Both find each other, and I lose both twain,
And both for my sake lay on me this cross.
But here's the joy: my friend and I are one.
Sweet flattery! Then she loves but me alone.

In this sonnet, Shakespeare reveals the depths of delusion that a broken heart will descend to. Indeed, it is only human nature that a person would not wish to feel or believe in rejection, even if it is obvious -- to the eyes, mind, and heart.

Perhaps the only defense is delusion, but the solution is not absolute. Although it may provide a shield from the hurt momentarily, it fails to change the reality of it all. In reality, the person is still alone.

In this sonnet, the speaker speaks to himself. Imagine him alone in a room, looking down at a token, a sweet memory of time spent with both his loves. The situation is this: his beloved has left him for his best friend, which leaves the speaker doubly wounded -- "Both find each other, and I lose both twain" (line 11).

Betrayed by a friend and a love, the speaker is left to make sense of the vestiges of what was. He needs to find a way to rationalize what has happened, if only to preserve his sanity, not to mention his relationship with the two people involved -- particularly his friend.

He does not want to lose them, though in a sense, he already has. They have willingly gone against him and despite what he might say, despite what he wishes to believe, he knows the truth. And each time he sees them, or sees a remembrance of them, the wound opens agai, as harsh this time as the last.

The speaker's ultimate salve, however, is this -- But here's the joy: my friend and I are one./ Sweet flattery! Then she loves but me alone" (lines 13-4). What the speaker tells himself is that his beloved has taken to his friend simply because she sees no difference between the two. To her, his friend is merely him in different form, but are in essence, the same. This rationale manages to bring the speaker and the young friend further together.