deck.halls@bells/holly

Chiang, whose life from Thanksgiving to Christmas is one crisis after another—she describes it as “chaos”—all so her clients can have their homes decked out and show up their neighbors. You’ve seen him I’m sure, the guy whose house consumes enough electricity to power a starship. People were concerned when Drake sent that message toward the M13 cluster 27 years ago. They thought it could reveal our location to hostile aliens. But I wouldn’t worry; Bob’s house down the street has probably already given us away.

It’s upon this overblown-house-décor foundation that Willis builds her slightly cyberpunk tale of a hot industry in which people pay big money to have their homes transformed into outlandish themes—most of which have nothing to do with Christmas. If you’re of the traditional slant, you might go for #23 “A Little House on the Prairie Christmas.” Prefer something a little less “in the spirit”? How about #941 “A Dam Christmas.” (Actually that is without the ‘n’; as in the thing that stops water. Almost got you there.)

There’s a whole assortment of themes to choose from, and supporting all of this gaudiness in the name of goodwill and cheer is an assortment of websites that can zip almost any product right to your door; no matter how bizarre. Need an animal? Just log on to notacreaturewasstirring.com. If it’s not an animal but just the right piece of jewelry you’re missing, visit goin’tothechapel.com. Whatever you need, it’s all available and can be rushed to your door via FedXUPS.

But it’s not all just plain wackiness in “deck.halls@boughs/holly.” Willis makes some valid points about the overwhelming nature of the holiday; the way the modern celebration sucks the joy out of people; and the true meaning of the day. I would quote from the story here, but I don’t want to spoil it for you. Since it’s available online—and short—there’s no reason you can’t get it straight from Willis herself; and you’ll be glad you did. To quote many a movie critic: “You’ll laugh, you’ll cry.” But mostly you’ll cry... because you’re laughing; or at least because you know someone like Linny’s client from hell, Pandora Freeh, and will be having horrifying flashbacks of the time you spent listening to

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