While many adults plan on bringing in the New Year with plans to stop smoking or shedding extra pounds, they may not be aware that many teenagers share similar goals. By discovering what teens' New Year's resolutions are, we adults could learn a lot about their goals, dreams, and self-esteem. The following list came from tenth grade students this year:
1. I want to lose ten pounds.
2. I plan to make the cheerleading squad.
3. I want to give up pot.
4. My resolution is to make it to the Jr. Olympics.
5. I am trying to quit smoking.
6. My resolution is to make all A's and B's.
7. My New Year's resolution is to earn a letter jacket.
8. I want to get my driver's license.
9. I'm going to pass all my classes for the semester.
10. My goal is to buy a car.
Any surprises? Students' needs and goals vary considerably with focuses on academics and sports to improving oneself. So what should parents and teachers do with this information? I feel the more we can discover about our teens, the more we can help them. While teens' need for independence increases, ironically, so does their need for support. Resolutions can be a call for help. For example, a girl who wants to lose weight may have a low self-image, which can be improved in much healthier methods than any dangerous diet scheme. If your child shares his/her resolution with you, talk about it. Why did he/she choose it? What will he/she gain by achieving it? Look for deeper insight into your child's needs.
Because each teenager is going through a unique experience during this difficult time period, each should be treated individually and not stereotyped into groups. Discover your child's own goals and needs by open communication. By casually bringing up your own New Year's resolution, you may make it easier for your children to share theirs. First, take it seriously, even if it sounds trivial or impossible. Then, discuss steps required to achieve the goal and write out a plan. During this step, your child may discover on his/her own that the resolution is out of reach and is more likely to modify it than if you were to suggest the modification. Achieving the goal should be a reward in itself, so I would not provide additional incentives. However, if the resolution ends up being way too lofty, you may suggest a reward if he/she comes close but falls short. Let's consider the typical B/C student who plans to make no grades below an 80 this semester. If in June, grades result in one or two high C's but the rest are A's and B's, point out the improvement to the possibly frustrated teen and celebrate. Then review the steps and encourage another attempt in the fall. Throughout the process, check on your teen and see how well he/she is doing at maintaining the resolution. Be supportive. In fact, by making this a team effort, you could also be a role model. On January 1, don't just help your teen make a resolution, make one for yourself. Then work with one another to keep the resolutions. Last, if necessary, seek help. Is your child's resolution very challenging but important, such as giving up a dangerous habit or trying to get into better physical shape? While there are numerous books and articles on such topics, you may want to talk to his/her school counselor to find other resources such as support groups or professionals.
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